Kim Possible's Little Shop of Horrors
by Eddie Blake
Summary: In this abridged version of Little Shop of Horrors, Kim Possible purchases a plant with a rather unusual habit for fresh, human blood.
1. Chapter 1

**How it all Began…**

 **On the 23** **rd** **day of the month of September,**

 **In the eighth year of a decade known as the Noughties,**

 **The human race suddenly encountered**

 **A deadly threat to its very existence**

 **And this terrifying enemy surfaced; as such enemies often do,**

 **In the seemingly most innocent and unlikely of places**

 _Ron, along with Rufus, is at his locker reading the newspaper. On the front is the headline 'TOTAL ECLIPSE BAFFLES MIDDLETON'. He looks up from the paper to see Kim walking towards him holding a coffee can full of dirt. Coming out of the dirt is a withered avocado-like pod with brown leaves. She approaches Ron's locker._

Kim: Hey Ron.

 _Ron and Rufus stop reading and turn to Kim._

Ron: Hey KP. _(Noticing the plant)_ Woah, what's with the weirdo plant?

Kim: It's not weird. It just hasn't been feeling well lately.

Ron: What sort of plant is it?

Kim: I think it's some kind of Venus flytrap, but neither me nor Wade have been able to identify it on the internet.

Ron: Where did you get it?

 _Kim grabs the paper and points to the article on the front page._

Kim: Remember that total eclipse of the sun a couple of weeks ago?

" _ **DA-DOO"**_

Girls _(singing)_ : Da-Doo!

Kim _(singing)_ : I was walking in the wholesale flower district that day.

Girls _(singing)_ : Shoop-da-doo!

Kim _(singing)_ : And I passed by this place where this old Chinese man.

Girls _(singing)_ : Chang-da-doo!

Kim _(singing)_ : Who sometimes sells weird and exotic cuttings,

Girls _(singing)_ : Snip-da-doo!

Kim _(singing)_ : 'Cause he knows, you see, strange plants could be someone's hobby.

Girls _(singing)_ : Da-da-da-da-da-da-doo!

Kim _(singing)_ : He didn't have anything unusual there that day,

Girls _(singing)_ : Nope-da-doo!

Kim _(singing)_ : So I was just about to, you know, walk on by.

Yori _(singing)_ : Good for you!

Kim _(singing)_ : When suddenly and without warning there was this…

All _(singing)_ : Total Eclipse of the Sun!

Kim _(singing)_ : It got very dark. And then there was this strange humming sound, like something from another world.

Girls _(singing)_ : Da-doo!

Kim _(singing)_ : And when the light came back on, this weird plant was just sitting there.

Girls _(singing)_ : Oops-ee-doo!

Kim _(singing)_ : Just stuck in among the zinnias.

Girls _(singing)_ : Audrey II!

Kim _(singing)_ : I could've sworn it hadn't been there before.

But the old Chinese man sold it to me anyway

For a dollar ninety-five.

Girls _(singing)_ : Sha-la-la-la-la-la-doo-doo-doo-doo…

 _Just as the song finishes, the plant wilts forward._

Ron: Uh Kim, I think the plant's dead.

Kim: I told you it's been giving me trouble. The Audrey II is not a healthy girl.

Ron: Strictly between us, neither is Bonnie.

Kim: If only I knew what breed it was, but it's nowhere in the books.

Ron: Well, Kim, my advice to you is you better figure it out and fast. Think about what this exotic plant could do for you.

Kim: You're right. Leave it with me, I'll think of something.

 _Kim walks off to the science lab and shuts the door. She looks at the plant and sighs._

Kim _(to the plant)_ : Oh Twoey, I don't know what else I can do for you.

Ron and Rufus, they've only just met you. But I've been going through

This with you for two weeks – grow and wilt, spurt and flop. Are you sickly,

Little plant? Or just plain stubborn? What is you want? What is it you need?

 _She puts the plant on a bench, grabs a broom and starts sweeping up the broken glass strewn about the floor._

" _ **GROW FOR ME"**_

Kim _(singing)_ : I've given you sunshine;

I've given you dirt.

You've given me nothin'

But heartache and hurt.

I'm begging you sweetly;

I'm down on my knees.

Oh please – grow for me.

I've given you plant food

And water to sip.

I've given you potash,

You've given me zip!

Oh God how I mist you,

Oh pod how you tease.

Now please, grow for me!

 _After sweeping the glass into a pile, she bends down and starts to carefully pick up the glass and put it in a nearby bin._

 _(Singing)_ I've given you southern exposure

To get you to thrive.

I've pinched you back hard,

Like I'm supposed to,

You're barely alive.

I've tried you at levels of moisture

From desert to mud,

I've given you grow lights and mineral supplements,

What do you want from me – Blood?

As she works, he pricks her finger on some broken glass.

Kim: Ouch! Stupid glass!

 _Kim begins to suck the blood out of her finger, but as she does so, she hears a sucking noise coming from the plant. Standing up, she looks at the plant, quickly realizing that the plant lives on blood._

 _(Singing)_ I've given you sunlight, I've given you rain.

Looks like you ain't happy, 'less I open a vein.

I'll give you a few drops, if that'll appease.

 _Kim gingerly extends her bleeding finger toward the plant. It vibrates in anticipation. Kim squeezes his finger over the plant, extracting a drop or two of blood. The pod opens, snapping at the drops like a puppy, begging for more._

 _(Singing)_ Oh please –

Oh, oh, oh please…grow for me?

 _Kim leaves. As the music build, we see the plant begin grow…and grow…and grow…until it gives a little circular flourish, almost seeming like a bow._


	2. Chapter 2

**Feeding the Plant**

 _As every second afternoon rolls on, Kim continues to feed the plant blood. It's not long until the plant is moved to a deserted shop in downtown Middleton. Inside is a table, two doors; one leading to a backroom, one leading downstairs to a room big enough for a bed. The plant is in the corner with a grand display._

 _One night, Kim locks the front door and is about to head off to bed when a thud is heard. She turns around and notices that the plant has wilted._

Kim: Great! Look I haven't got much left. Just give me a few days to heal, okay? Then we'll start again on the left hand and…

 _Suddenly, she hears a deep voice from out of nowhere._

Audrey II: Feed me.

Kim: I beg your pardon?

Audrey II: Feed me.

Kim: Twoey, you talked! You opened up your trap, your thing, and you said-

 _The plant raises its head and starts moving wildly._

Audrey II: Feed me, Possible! Feed me now!

Kim _(shocked)_ : I can't!

Audrey II: I'm starving!

Kim: I haven't got anymore. What should I do, slit my wrists?

Audrey II _(opening its maw)_ : Aah…

Kim: Look, I'll run down to the butcher and ask them to make you some nice chopped sirloin? How about that?

Audrey II: Must be blood!

Kim: Twoey, that's disgusting!

Audrey II: Must be fresh!

Kim: I'm not hearing this!

" _ **FEED ME (GIT IT)"**_

Audrey II _(singing)_ : Feed Me!

Kim: Does it have to be human?

Audrey II _(singing)_ : Feed Me!

Kim: Does it have to be mine?

Audrey II _(singing)_ : Feed Me!

Kim: Where am I supposed to get it?

Audrey II _(singing)_ : Feed Me, Kimmy!

Feed me all night long.

That's right girl, you can do it!

Feed me, Kimmy!

Feed me all night long.

'Cause if you feed me, Kimmy!

I can grow up BIG and strong!

Kim: You eat blood, Audrey II. Let's face it.

How am I supposed to keep on feeding you, kill people?

Audrey II: I'll make it worth your while.

Kim: What?

Audrey II: You think this is all coincidence, baby?

Your sudden success around here, all the interviews?

Kim: Look, you're a plant. An inanimate object!

Audrey II _(shaking wildly)_ : Does this look inanimate to you, _punk?_

If I can talk and I can move, who's to say I can't do anything I want?

Kim: Like what?

Audrey II: Like deliver pal!

Like you see you get everything your sacred, greasy heart desires.

 _(Singing)_ : Would you like your own Cadillac car?

Or a guest shot on Letterman?

How about a date with a sports star?

You're gonna get it, if you want it baby!

How'd you like to be a big wheel?

Dining out for every meal.

I'm the plant that can make it all real,

You're gonna get it.

I'm your genie; I'm your friend,

I'm your willing slave!

Just take a chance and feed me

And you know the kinda eats,

The kinda ret-hot treats,

The kinda sticky licky sweats I CRAAAVE!

Come on, Kimmy, don't be a putz!

Trust me and your life'll shortly rival King Tuts.

Show a little initiative girl,

Work up some guts and you'll get it.

Kim _(singing)_ : I don't know.

Audrey II: Come on, girl!

Kim _(singing)_ : I don't know.

Audrey II: Lighten up!

Kim _(singing)_ : I have so…so many strong reservations.

Audrey II: Tell it to the Marines!

Kim _(singing)_ : Should I go…and perform…mutilations?

Audrey II: You had nothing till you met me.

Some come on kid, what will it be?

Money? Boys? One particular boy?

How about that _Stoppable_?

Think it over. There must be someone you could

Eighty-six real quiet like and get me some lunch!

 _(Singing)_ Think about a room at the Ritz.

Wrapped in velvet, covered in glitz.

A little nookie gonna clean up those zits

And you'll get it. Uh-huh!

Kim _(singing)_ : Ron would like a Harley machine.

Audrey II: Now you're cooking!

Kim _(singing)_ : Tooling around like he was James Dean.

Audrey II: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah!

Kim _(singing)_ : Making all the guys at high school turn green!

 _Getting in the spirit of the music, Kim does a little dance._

Audrey II _(singing)_ : So go get it!

If you wanna be profound,

Then you really gotta justify!

Take a breath and look around,

A lotta folks deserve to die!

Kim: Wait a minute. That's not a very nice thing to say.

Audrey II: But it's true, isn't it?

Kim: No! I don't know anyone who deserves

To be chopped up and fed to a hungry plant.

Audrey II: Sure you do…

 _The plant extends one its vines and opens the door._

Audrey II: Now go and get me some lunch!

Kim: Are you serious?

Audrey II: FEED ME!

 _Kim turns around, sighs heavily, then walks out the door._

 _Later, while looking for something to feed the plant, picks up a few well-sized sharp rocks. Continuing the search, she spots Brick walking about, all alone._

 _All of a sudden, she hears the voice of the plant singing in her head._

" _ **If you want a rationale,**_

 _ **It isn't very hard to see, no, no, no!**_

 _ **Stop and think it over, pal!**_

 _ **The guy sure looks like plant food to me.**_

 _ **The guy sure looks like plant food to me.**_

 _ **The guy sure looks like plant food to me…"**_

Kim _(whispering)_ : Perfect.

 _She charges at Brick and starts pelting him with the rocks._

Kim _(singing)_ : He's so nasty treating us rough!

" _ **Smacking Ron around, always talking so tough!"**_

Kim _(singing)_ : You need blood and he's got more than enough!

" _ **I need blood and he's got more than enough!"**_

Both _(singing)_ : You (I) need blood and he's got more than enough!

 _Despite him pleading with Kim to stop, she keeps up the attack until there's nothing left but a bloody, unconscious corpse._

" _ **SO GO GIT IT!"**_

 _Using all her strength, she drags said corpse back to the shop._

 _The plant, which has been waiting patiently for its meal, looks at what Kim has brought and smiles._

Audrey II: Ooh. Chop it up!

Kim: What?

Audrey II: I said "Chop it up!"

Kim: Now wait a minute.

Audrey II: Feed me!

Kim: Okay, okay.

 _Kim then drags the corpse into the alley next to the shop. With a loud gulp she closes her eyes and raises the axe she found then begins hacking away._

 _Meanwhile, Bonnie, who just happens to be walking by, hears the chopping sounds. When she looks down the alley and sees Kim chopping up Brick, she is in pure shock. She slowly backs away then runs into the shop and hides behind the table._

 _Later, Kim is seen, gingerly and with great distaste, lifting bits of Brick and dumping them into the plant's cavernous pod. The plant laughs, a deep, echoing frightening laughter that reverberates as we fade to…_

 _Sunlight streams through the basement window. Kim is asleep, but restless._

 _The plant's laughter still echoes in her dreams. She wakes up as she becomes aware of Bonnie standing at the foot of her bed._

Kim: Bonnie, you scared me!

Bonnie: I scared you? After what I saw, I scared you? Ho-ho-ho…you think I didn't know, huh? Oh I knew! I knew you would sleep on that little bed and dream about doing away with my boyfriend. But I didn't know the lengths to which you would go, the depths to which you would sink!

Kim: What depths? What sink? What are you talking about?

Bonnie: Little red dots all over the floor. Blood on the sidewalk outside. Brick's sports jacket ripped in half. I'm talking murder, Kim! I'm talking under this roof! _(Producing a bloodstained axe)_ An axe murderer!

" _ **SUPPERTIME"**_

" _ **She's got your number now!"**_

Bonnie: I saw everything…

" _ **She knows just what you've done!"**_

Bonnie: I saw what you did to Brick.

" _ **You've got no place to hide…"**_

Bonnie: I saw you chopping him up…

" _ **You've got nowhere to run."**_

Kim: It's true – I chopped him up! But I didn't kill him!

" _ **She knows your life of crime!"**_

 _Bonnie produces a gun and trains it on Kim to hold her back._

Bonnie: Tell it to the police!

" _ **I THINK IT'S SUPPERTIME!"**_

 _Bonnie backs Kim up the stairs as we are aware that Kim is struggling to come up with a decent way out. Must there be_ _ **more bloodshed**_ _?_

Audrey II (singing): Come on, come on

National Geographic!

Come on, come on,

Your future with Ron.

Come on, come on,

Ain't no time to turn squeamish!

C-c-c-c-come on,

I swear on all my spores,

When she's gone the world will

Be yours!

All yours, yeah…

 _The door from the basement opens. The plant is immobile. Kim walks into the room as Bonnie, gun in hand follows._

 _Monique, Yori and Joss are lurking in the shadows outside the shop window._

Girls _(singing)_ : Come on… come on…

Come on… come on…

 _Bonnie walks Kim to the front door. She stops._

Bonnie: Kim, I just want to say it kills me to have to do this.

Girls _(singing)_ : It's suppertime.

Bonnie: Considering the fact that you're something of an annoyance, and the man you hacked to pieces wasn't such a paragon himself… you could get off in thirty, forty years.

 _Cut to the girls whom we still see outside the window._

Girls _(singing)_ : Come on… come on…

 _Cut to Bonnie._

Bonnie: And it would be a shame, all things considered that your… lovely work shouldn't be here waiting for you.

 _The girls are now inside the shop sitting on the table._

Girls _(singing)_ : Come on… come on…

Bonnie: So… if you want me to… take care of this plant of yours… I assume you fertilize…

 _The girls are now standing next to Kim._

Girls _(singing)_ : Come on… come on…

Kim: She… needs… to be fed.

 _The plant rustles its leaves in anticipation._

Bonnie: Fed?

Girls _(singing)_ : Come on… come on…

Kim: Just… potash… you know… the usual minerals and all.

Bonnie: Of course.

 _As Kim talks she casually backs Bonnie towards the plant._

Kim: on Thursdays you give it water…

 _Cut to the girls who are now grinning behind the plant._

Girls _(singing darkly)_ : Come on… come on…

Kim: …of course you have to clean the leaves.

Bonnie: Yes…

Kim: But most importantly, whatever you do…

Bonnie: Yes…

Girls _(hissing)_ : Come on… come on…

Kim: …Whatever you do… just be sure…

 _By now, we see the plant has opened its vast, cavernous mouth and it is waiting…_

Bonnie: Yes? ... Yes? …

 _The girls are now not singing, but grinning, looking, concentrating intently…_

Bonnie: Yes? … Yes? …

 _All of a sudden Bonnie falls back and inside the open maw of the plant._

Girls _(singing brightly)_ : It's suppertime!

 _Kim turns her back. She can't watch what she knows will come next._

 _With the force of a hungry shark, the jaws slam shut on Bonnie._

 _Crunching sounds mingle with her screams._

Bonnie: Possible!

 _CRUNCH!_

Bonnie **(cont'd)** : No!

 _CRUNCH!_

Bonnie **(cont'd)** : Aaaaaaaggggghhhhh!

 _The girls are now outside the shop and they softly retreat back into the shadows._


	3. Chapter 3

**Offers Come In**

 _Cut to an office where Kim is seen surrounded by marketing agents._

" _ **THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT"**_

Agents _(singing)_ : Kim Possible, so finally we meet you!

This is an occasion, let's toast it! Up yours!

Just relax! Canapé? Cigarette?

Let's talk turkey. Sign here and we'll book

You on lecturing tours!

 _Cut to Bueno Nacho where Kim sits in a booth with an aging but glamorous blonde lady from Life Magazine and her creepy, male assistant. They are finishing a very lavish lunch._

Blonde Lady _(singing)_ : Yes, darling, we're sending photographs Thursday.

So get the plant ready and wear a clean shirt.

Just sign this release.

 _She produces a contract._

Assistant _(singing)_ : Need a pen?

Blonde Lady _(singing)_ : Aren't you thrilled? It's the cover of Life Magazine.

 _As if to bribe her, the assistant pushes an enormous serving of nachos covered in melted cheese and tomato sauce in front of Kim._

 _Cut to an office of a television station. On the wall is a logo with the title "Kim Possible's Gardening Tips". A TV Executive, writer and flunky are sitting with Kim._

Executive _(singing)_ : I'm telling you honey, it's a cinch to get ratings.

The title is Marvin's.

Writer _(singing)_ : The concept is mine.

Flunky _(singing)_ : An all-new weekly gardening show on our network.

Executive _(singing)_ : And you're gonna host it, you lucky girl.

All _(singing)_ : SIGN!

 _Kim runs out of the room trying to get away from all the greediness surrounding her. She hears the voices of the girls singing in her mind._

Girls _(singing voiceover)_ : They say the meek shall inherit.

You know the book doesn't lie.

It's not a question of merit.

It's not demand or supply.

They say the meek gonna get it.

Yori _(singing)_ : And you're a meek little girl!

Girls _(singing voiceover)_ : You know the meek are gonna get what's comin' to

'em by and by…

 _As she continues running, she finds herself surrounded by total darkness. She continues running but now in slow motion._

Kim _(singing)_ : My future's starting.

I've got to let it.

Stick with that plant

And gee, my bank account will thrive.

What am I saying?

No way! Forget it!

It's much too dangerous

To keep that plant alive!

 _Just then, part of the wall lights up. Kim is horrified to see the wall entirely covered in contracts._

Kim _(singing)_ : I take these offers,

That means more killing.

Who knew success would come with messy, nasty strings?

I sign these contracts,

That means I'm willing

To keep on doing bloody, awful, evil things.

 _Suddenly, as if possessed, Kim starts ripping the contracts off the wall._

Kim _(singing)_ : No! No!

There's only so far you can bend!

No! No!

This nightmare must come to an end!

 _Close-up of Kim's face as she violently sits up from her bed in the shop…perspiration dripping from her._

Kim _(singing)_ : No! No!

 _Kim gets out of bed; picks up the axe and starts walking up the stairs as she sings._

Kim _(singing)_ : You've got no alternative, Kimmy old girl.

Though it means you'll be broke again without as much as a pearl.

It's the only solution

It can't be avoided –

The vegetable must be destroyed!

 _She reaches the top of the stairs and flings open the door. But her anger quickly fades when she pictures Ron standing in front of the plant. She drops the axe in shock._

Kim _(singing)_ : But then there's Ron,

Lovely, Ron.

If life would go back

To the way it was before.

He might not like me.

He might not want me.

Without my plant,

He might not love me, anymore.

 _The agents, the lady from Life Magazine and her assistant, and the people from the TV station all emerge from the shadows with their contracts._

 _Knowing she can't escape it, Kim slowly approaches them defeated._

Girls _(singing voiceover)_ : They say the meek shall inherit…

Kim _(singing)_ : Where do I sign?

 _They start handing her contracts and pens. Kim starts signing._

Girls _(singing voiceover)_ : You know the book doesn't lie.

Agent _(singing)_ : Right on the line.

Girls _(singing voiceover)_ : It's not a question of merit.

Blonde Lady _(singing)_ : Your pen or mine?

Girls _(singing voiceover)_ : It's not demand or supply.

Flunky _(singing)_ : Paragraph nine.

Girls _(singing voiceover)_ : You'll make a fortune, we swear it.

TV Executive _(singing)_ : Couldn't got wrong

Girls _(singing voiceover)_ : If on this fact you rely!

 _With their contracts signed, they all run away in excitement._

All _(singing)_ : Bye-Bye. So long!

 _Kim turns to look at the plant and imagines it advancing on her. She backs away until she hits the wall._

Girls _(singing voiceover)_ : You know the meek are gonna get what's comin' to

'em …

You know the meek are gonna get what's comin' to

'em …

You know the meek are gonna get what's comin' to

'em …

By…and…by…

 _Kim starts screaming as we fade to black._

 _The streets are deserted now and the sun is setting. Kim is sitting on the sidewalk outside thinking about the current situation and how she is powerless to stop it._

Kim: What am I going to do? What am I going to do? If I don't feed it, it'll die.

But if I keep feeding it, it'll just be more blood on my hands!

 _She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a picture of her and Ron and looks at it._

Kim: Oh Ron, sometimes I wish I never bought that stupid plant.

 _She puts the picture back in her pocket, stands up and walks into the shop. After closing the door, she notices the plant is now wilted and lifeless. Kim stands looking at it in silence for a moment then very quietly tries to sneak past it. But before she gets to the basement door, a spooky hoarse whisper stops her dead in her tracks._

Audrey II: Feed me.

Kim: Under no circumstances.

Audrey II: Feed me.

Kim: I will not so stop asking.

Audrey II: Feed me!

Kim: No. no more. I can't take living with the guilt.

Audrey II: Tough titty!

Kim: Watch your language!

 _The plant quickly becomes livelier._

Audrey II: Awwh. Cut the crap and bring on the meat!

Kim _(walking to the front door)_ : Okay…okay… I'll run down to the butcher and I'll pick you up some nice ground round, how about that?

Audrey II: Don't do me no favors.

Kim: Look, it's my final offer. Yes or no?

Audrey II _(beat)_ : You sure do drive a hard bargain.

Kim _(opening the door)_ : Done. Fine. Great. And don't think you're getting desert!

 _She closes the door and walks down the street towards the butcher. The plant watches her leave and laughs quietly to itself. After waiting a beat, it slithers one of its vines toward the table._

 _The vine crawls up the side of the table and lifts the receiver. It is brought up to the pod where, if the pod had an ear, its ear would be. The vine dials a number and then taps on the window patiently waiting for the phone to be answered._

 _Mrs. Possible is seen across the street looking at a shop's window display when she hears her mobile ring. She takes it out of her coat pocket and answers it._

 _Audrey II is heard filtered through the mobile. The plant breathes heavily and obscenely, then…_

" _ **SUPPERTIME II"**_

Audrey II _(singing)_ : Hey, little lady, hello!

Mrs. Possible: Who… who is this?

Audrey II _(singing)_ : You're looking cute as can be.

Mrs. Possible _(thinking this is a joke)_ : Is this someone I know?

Audrey II _(singing)_ : You're lookin' mighty sweet!

Mrs. Possible _(smiling affectionately)_ : Is that you, honey?

Audrey II _(singing)_ : No, it ain't your husband…

 _Mrs. Possible turns around and sees the Audrey II. It is the last blaze of sunset. Across the street, through the shop's window, she sees the plant… totally alive now. Its vines writhing like a Medusa, its leaves flapping like great palmetto fans, its pod grown to mammoth proportions. It emits an unearthly green glow that spills from the shop onto the street._

Mrs. Possible _(voiceover)_ : Oh my God!

 _She starts running across the street as the vine replaced the receiver._

 _Mrs. Possible has just opened the front door and she stands and stares in amazement._

Mrs. Possible: I don't believe it.

Audrey II: Believe it, baby, it talks.

Mrs. Possible: Am I dreaming this?

Audrey II: No, and you ain't in Kansas, neither.

 _Audrey II reaches out with one vine and pushes the door shut. Another vine creeps towards Ms. Possible; she pushes it away and steps away._

Mrs. Possible: Something's very wrong here.

 _Ms. Possible keeps walking ending up in the center of the room. Vines continue to snake around her, threatening to enfold her._

Audrey II _(beat)_ : I need me some water in the worst way.

Look at my branches; I'm drying up. I'm a goner, honey.

 _(Singing)_ Come on and give me a drink!

Mrs. Possible: I don't know if I should.

Audrey II _(singing)_ : Hey, little lady, be nice.

 _Two more vines hoist the skirt of her robes. She pushes them away as yet another snakes over her shoulders._

Mrs. Possible: Do you talk to Kim like this?

Audrey II _(singing)_ : Sure do!

I'll drink it straight!

 _Ms. Possible grabs the vine from her shoulder with both hands. Still another creeps up behind her._

Audrey II _(singing)_ : Don't need no glass or no ice!

 _Three vines snake around Ms. Possible's waist. She pushes them back down and turns towards the table._

Ms. Possible: I'll get the can.

Audrey II _(singing)_ : Don't need no twist of lime!

 _She reaches over the table and grabs the water can from underneath._

Ms. Possible: Here we go.

Audrey II _(singing)_ : AND NOW IT'S SUPPERTIME!

 _To Ms. Possible's horror, the plant wraps its vines around her arms, wrists, and waist. She drops the can. Laughing, the plant begins dragging the screaming, struggling Ms. Possible towards its laughing maw._

Audrey II: Relax, doll and it'll be easier.

Come join your daughter's friends Brick and Bonnie…

 _She screams._

Audrey II: They're right inside!

 _The plant laughs as it draws her inexorably closer, closer…_

 _And with one great heave, the vines pull her into the pod itself. The jaws clamp down. She screams again._

 _The shop door flies open. Kim and Ron rush in and begin prying at the pod with all their might._

Kim: Get off of her! Get off of her!

 _They finally succeed in getting the pod open just enough to pull her out. She is alive, but just barely. Her clothes are tastefully stained with just a bit of red._

 _They carry her out of the shop until they get her beyond the plant's reach and through the door. The two then carry her across the street and lay her against a wall._

Kim: Are you alright, mom?

Mrs. Possible: Yes… _(She clutches her stomach in pain)_ no!

Kim: Mom! Mom!

Mrs. Possible: You know, the plant said the strangest thing just now. It said Brick and Bonnie are already inside.

 _Kim lowers her head._

Kim: It's true. I did it. I fed them to it.

Ron: KP, how could you?

Mrs. Possible _(touching Kim's cheek)_ : And that's what made it so big and strong and you so famous.

Kim: I've done terrible things, Mom. But not to you. Never to you.

 _She taker her hand from Kim's cheek and looks away._

Mrs. Possible: But I want you to, Kim.

Kim: What?

Mrs. Possible: When I die, which should be very shortly, give me to the plant, so that it will live and bring you all the wonderful things you deserve.

 _Both Kim and Ron are horrified._

Kim: You don't know what you're saying.

Mrs. Possible: But I do. It's the one gift I can give you. _(She smiles)_ and if I'm in the plant, then I'm part of the plant. So in a way, we'll always be together.

 _She reaches out toward her imaginary paradise. Then she shudders and goes limp. Kim holds her tightly, racked with guilt and grief. Slowly the door opens onto the waiting Audrey II. Both Kim and Ron carry Mrs. Possible across the street and through the door to her final resting-place. The plant slowly brings it head down at their level and opens its mouth as they approach._

 _They watch as the plant simultaneously closes its mouth and raises its head, easing her body down its throat. Soon, all that is visible of her is her hand, sticking out from between the plant's teeth. Kim reaches out to her hand, but cannot bring herself to touch it. Soon, her hand disappears inside too, and the plant closes its mouth in a triumphant grin._

 _Kim closes her eyes and lowers her head. When she raises it again, her face is a mask of despair._

 _The two run outside and across the street where Kim collapses to her knees in tears._

 _A few minutes later, a voice is heard._

Patrick: Miss Possible?

 _A first, she does not hear._

Patrick _(more insistently)_ : Miss Possible?

 _At last, Kim stands up and sees Patrick Martin, a licensing agent standing there. His hands are behind his back._


	4. Chapter 4

**Audrey II's Everywhere!**

Patrick: Patrick Martin, International Licensing and Marketing. I want to show you something.

Ron: She's not interested.

Patrick: Ah, but she will be…Look!

 _As he speaks, he pulls something from behind his back._

Patrick: I took the liberty of taking a cutting from that amazing plant of yours and look what grew in a couple of days.

 _In a small flowerpot, decorated with the words 'Audrey II' is a miniature_

 _Audrey II, just like the one Kim first bought from the Chinese man._

 _They both stare at it._

Patrick: The design boys did the packaging. Cute, huh? Get the idea?

My firm is willing to pay you a reasonable amount to take leaf cuttings – develop little Audrey II's –

and sell them to florist shops and supermarkets across the nation.

 _Kim and Ron are horrified by what they're hearing._

Patrick: Pretty soon, every household in America could have one.

The words echo through Kim's frazzled mind.

" **Have one…have one…have one…"**

 _Patrick takes a step closer._

Patrick: Imagine it Kim, we'll make a fortune. Audrey II's everywhere.

" **Everywhere…everywhere…everywhere…"**

 _Patrick takes another step closer._

Patrick: This could be bigger than Hula-Hoops…

" **Hula-Hoops…Hula-Hoops…Hula-Hoops…"**

Kim covers her ears. Patrick takes yet another step.

Patrick: What do you say, Ms. Possible?

 _The two look down at the miniature plant. It stares at them with its little pod—and smiles. Demonic laughter echoes through their mind. Realizing that this is what the plant had in mind all along, Ron runs across the street and into the shop, completely ignoring Patrick._

Patrick: (shouting) Mr. Possible? Mr. Possible! Possible! Hey, we don't have to deal with you, you know! A goddamned vegetable's public domain! You ask our lawyers!

 _Ron looks angrily up at the plant._

Ron: Every household in America! That's what you had in mind all along, isn't it?

Audrey II: No shit, Sherlock!

Ron: We're not talking about one hungry plant here; we're talking about world conquest!

Audrey II: And I want to thank YOU!

Ron: You ate my girlfriend's mom!

 _The plant merely laughs._

Ron: You're a monster and so is Kim. It's gotta end, It's gotta stop right here!

 _The plant shoves him with a vine._

" **MEAN GREEN MOTHER FROM OUTER SPACE"**

Audrey II (singing): Better wait a minute.

Uh, ya better hold the phone.

Better mind your manners,

Better change your tone.

 _The plant knocks him to the floor and shoves its massive pod in his face._

Audrey II (singing): Don't you threaten me son,

You gotta lot of gall.

We gonna do things my way,

Or we won't do things at all!

 _The pod rears up, laughing. Ron watches in horror as the plant's pot begins to crack. Small chunks break away, and roots begin pushing their way out._

Audrey II: Uh-huh! You're in trouble now! Baby!

 _Suddenly, the entire pot shatters, showering clay and dirt on Ron. Audrey II has taken root in the ground underneath the shop and now faces him down defiantly._

Audrey II (singing): Ya don't know what you're messing with,

You've got no idea.

You don't know what you're looking at,

When you're looking here.

Ya don't know what you're up against.

No, no way, no how!

Ya don't know what you're messing with,

But I'm gonna tell you now!

 _Ron clambers to his feet, runs to the table and picks up a revolver._

 _He brandishes the gun at the plant but is frozen by fear, as dozens of smaller pods, like miniature Audrey II's, pop open, signing the harmony._

Audrey II (singing): Get this straight!

I'm just a mean green mother from outer space and I'm bad!

Pods (singing): Mean, green, bad!

Audrey II (singing): I'm just a mean green mother from outer space,

And it looks like you've been had.

I'm just a mean green mother from outer space,

So get off my back, get outta my face.

Because I'm mean and green and I am bad!

 _Ron squeezes off three shots, which ricochet off the plant's pod and into a mirror._

 _He looks away nervously and fires a fourth, which also bounces off. The plant grabs the gun with a vine._

 _The plant twirls the gun and fires a shot at his feet._

 _He jumps._

Audrey II (singing): Wanna save your skin, boy?

 _The plant fires another shot, which breaks the water can at Ron's feet. He jumps again._

Audrey II (singing): You wanna save your hide?

 _Ron goes into the back room. The plant shoots the door._

Audrey II (singing): You wanna see tomorrow? You better step aside?

 _The plant fires off several shots that hit the windows._

Audrey II (singing): Better take a tip, girl.

Want some good advice?

You better take it easy,

Because you're walking on thin ice.

 _The gunshots have stopped. Ron takes a tentative step to look, but jumps back when the computer comes through the window. Finally, Ron steps away from the wall, facing the plant._

Audrey II (singing): You don't know what you're dealing with;

No, you never did.

You don't know what you're looking at,

But that's tough titty kid!

The lion don't sleep tonight,

And if you pull his tail, he roars!

 _Ron comes out of the back room with an axe. He lunges at all the vines gathered on the counter. He hacks at them again and again, missing each time._

Audrey II (singing): Ya say, 'That ain't fair?'

Ya say, 'That ain't nice?'

Ya know what I say? 'Up yours!'

 _As the pods take up the harmony again. Ron runs out in front of the table, the axe over her head. The plant pulls his jeans down with its vines._

Audrey II (singing): Watch me now!

I'm just a mean green mother from outer space and I'm bad!

Pods (singing): Mean, green, bad!

 _Ron drops the axe and shuffles off to cave take cover behind the table._

Audrey II (singing): I'm just a mean green mother,

A real disgrace!

And you got me fighting mad!

 _Ron cowers behind the relative safety of the table, but the pods are now beginning to snake their way under there and are ooh-ing in his face._

Audrey II (singing): I'm just a mean green mother from outer space,

Gonna trash your ass, gonna rock this place!

I'm mean and green and I am BAD!

 _The smaller pods retract to rejoin the main one. A huge vine snakes forward and smacks the table, breaking it in half. Ron huddles there, jeans around his ankles, as the plant raps at her._

Audrey II (singing): You know I don't come back from no black lagoon,

Pods (singing): No!

Audrey II (singing): I'm from past the stars and beyond the moon.

Pods (singing): Yeah!

Audrey II (singing): You can keep the Thing,

Pods (singing): Hey!

Audrey II (singing): Keep the It,

Pods (singing): Woah!

Audrey II (singing): Keep the Creature, they don't mean shit!

 _Ron yanks his jeans up and runs for the basement door. The plant thrusts a vine into the door, blocking him._

Audrey II (singing): I got killer buds, power stem,

 _The plant shoots out another vine into the wall next to Ron, trapping him._

Two more trap him at the waist!

Audrey II (singing): Nasty thorns and I'm using them!

You better move it out, Nature calls!

You got the point?

I'm gonna bust your balls!

 _A vine shoots into the wall, between Ron's legs, mere inches from his crotch._

 _He looks up in horror; he realizes now the plant is playing with its food. The pods once again harmonize in Ron's face as the plant laughs._

Audrey II: Here it comes!

 _Ron drops to the floor, attempting to crawl to safety. But the plant plunges a vine into and across the floor, kicking up tiles as it does, and emerges in front of Ron._

 _Undaunted, he crawls in a different direction, but is again blocked by a vine. He makes several more attempts, but is soon trapped huddling on the floor as vines pop up all around him!_

Audrey II (singing): I'm mean and green…

Pods (singing): Mean green mother form outer space…

 _The plant is shooting vines into the walls now, even through the ceiling. Ron remains huddled on the floor._

Audrey II (singing): I'm mean and green…

Pods (singing): Mean green mother form outer space…

Audrey II (singing): I'm mean and green…

 _Ron watches as still more vines continue to snake into all corners of the room, grabbing and smashing whatever they can. The plant laughs. Still more vines shoot out; through the heater, through the clock…_

 _The plant then grabs a support post and yanks. As the plant and the pods laugh, the entire shop collapses around Ron; first the ceiling caves in, raining dust and tiles everywhere. Then one wall gives in, then the other wall collapses and soon what used to be a shop is now a storm of plaster, cement, dirt, and debris. The plant surveys the carnage, still laughing. Ron tries to dig his way out of the wreckage that has fallen on him. Dazed, but still sensing he is in danger, he quickly scrambles away from the shop and into the street out of reach of the mocking plant._

 _Breathing heavily and seemingly half-mad, he takes the heroic stature of a mad prophet or of Kevin McCarthy in **Invasion of the Body Snatchers** as he shouts…_

Ron: I'll warn 'em! I'll warn 'em! I'll tell 'em! The human race won't take this lying down! And wherever your kind grows…whatever you try…we'll be waiting for you!

 _Ron turns and runs across the street._

Ron (shouting to the rooftops): They're coming! They're coming! Don't feed 'em! Don't feed the plants! Don't feed the plants!

As he shouts, he meets up with Kim.

Ron: We've got to warm 'em! We've got to warm 'em!

 _As they both run away, we hear the rumbling, demonic laughter of the plant in the distance._

 _The pods too begin cackling until we are left with the almost deserted streets echoing with dark, ominous laughter._

" **FINALE (DON'T FEED THE PLANTS)"**

 _Cut to the three girls sitting on a theatre stage, looking defeated. Behind them is a giant brick wall. Monique then begins to sings with gospel fervour…_

Monique (singing): Subsequent to the events you have just witnessed,

Similar events in cities across America.

Events which bore a striking resemblance to the ones you have just seen began occurring…

Oh, oh-oh…

Girls (singing): Subsequent to the events you have just witnessed,

Unsuspecting jerks from Maine to California…

Made the acquaintance of a new breed of flytrap…

And got sweet-talked into feeding it **blood** …

 _As the girls continue singing, behind them the wall begins to fall apart with_

 _Bricks falling down one-by-one…_

Girls (singing): Thus the plants worked their terrible will,

Finding jerks who would feed them their fill.

And the plants proceed to grow…and grow…

And began what they came here to do,

Which was essentially to…

 _Through the holes in the wall come vines from the Audrey II._

 _The girls do their best to dodge them._

Yori (singing): Eat Cleveland!

Monique (singing): And Des Moines!

Joss (singing): And Peoria!

Girls (singing): And New York…

AND THIS THEATRE!

 _Suddenly, a giant Audrey II bursts through the brick wall, laughing loudly._

 _Kim, Ron, Brick, and Bonnie are each tied up to a vine. With their eyes wide-open, all four of them appear to be in a zombie-like trance._

All (singing): They may offer you fortune and fame,

Love and money and instant acclaim.

But whatever they offer you,

Don't feed the plants!

 _The four victims snap out of their trance and begin singing._

Brick (singing): They may offer you lots of cheap thrills…

Ron (singing): Fancy condos in Beverly Hills…

Bonnie (singing): But whatever they offer you,

Kim (singing): Don't feed the plants!

 _Audrey II begins making its way towards the audience…_

Chorus (singing): Lookout! Here comes Audrey II!

Lookout…

Audrey II (singing): Here I come for you…

Brick (singing): Here I come for you…

Ron (singing): Here I come for you…

Kim (singing): Here I come for you…

All Three (singing): YOU…!

 _Audrey II is now dangerously close to the audience…_

All (singing): Hold your hat and hang onto your soul!

Something's coming to eat the world whole!

If we fight it, we still got a chance.

But whatever they offer you –

Tho' they're slopping the trough for you –

Please whatever they offer you,

Don't feed the plants…

 _Kim and Ron stare at each other and with a small glimmer of hope sing…_

We'll have tomorrow…

 _As the Audrey II begins attacking the audience and laughing maniacally, everyone sings one final plea:_

DON'T FEED THE PLA—A—ANTS!

 **THE END**


End file.
